Lunacy Me, Now You Don't

Vacation is leaving something one previously occupied. The act of vacating is used as a refresher and a means to get away from work and responsibilities. Mental chores, on the other hand, cannot be left at the kennel or stored at the post office for two weeks time. You can’t run away from your mind, at least not for long. Our “things” come traipsing right along with us, with vacating merely allowing us to stand beyond spitting distance with heightened clarity to assess. What clarity have I found, you ask? Well, pretty clear skin, some clear ocean water, and a clear need for connection. #needy While traveling with my mom, I’ve been working on a math problem, long-form answer. Who are we as people separate from what we do? Work, relationships, hobbies. See, as an artist, I find this difficult to answer. As an actor, you’re often seen as who you play onstage, the way your voice sounds, and the shapes your body cuts when you dance. A romantic notion, but when you come home at nigh...

What a 12 hours it has been. Quick second--I need more coffee. There we go. Now, let’s see if I can blend this coffee mixture without it exploding over the kitchen for the second time. It’s been a hell of a 12 hours. The kind that you just want to laugh at because it’s ridiculousness wages a war on your senses and you can’t figure out which way is up and which way is down. I’ve always been a procrastinator. I’d say it’s a superpower of mine. I’d wait until midnight to start studying for that day’s math test and then throw a fit over the mad dash and pressure as if time was a new concept and I was the Universe’s guinea pig. I still wait until the last possible second to leave the house in order to get someplace on time, and have a talent at figuring out how to find just enough activities each morning that I don’t quite give myself enough time to get dressed and properly groomed. I’m usually eating while I drive, especially heading to evening performances. I’ve heard it ...

The fact that it is already this far into the new year astounds me. You fill your days with projects, work, people, and before you know it there’s a winding path left behind you and you’ve done many things and seen many people and you wish you could gather it all up again and hold it in your arms to admire it.  But, you can’t. You can’t have everything at once, all the time. That’s a hard reality. One step at a time, sister Susie. I came into this year with a goal of doing less and a goal of letting go. I also had a goal of not writing down goals. Because, honestly? That shit stresses me out. I do, in fact, use one of those intense day planners because if I don’t I wouldn’t remember a dang thing. I also LOVE making lists. Like, love it. I didn’t want to write down goals though, but rather retain them. What I mean by that, is if it’s something I truly and deeply want to pursue, there’s absolutely no need to write it down. I will manifest it because I’m being called to. Or...

I’ve had a good deal of coffee, a chunk of peanut brittle, and I’ve already cleaned up dog vomit, so I’m raring and ready to go with words. Bear with me.  I’ve been stressing over what to write, and how to say it. What is going to be my big “thing”, my catch, if you will, creatively this year? What can I create that no one else is doing? Pragmatism at its finest. That’s the way our generation has been taught, nay, programmed, to think. We’re always being shoved full of delightfully sleek designs and lettering, told to hustle or we’ll fall short of our potential. For the overthinkers and overachievers of this world, the games we have to play become a maze of doubt and self-flagellation. I’ve spent the better part of my 20’s trying to figure out how to corale myself into working efficiently while still allowing organic creativity to flow and without jumping off a building in the process. I used to work myself into the fetal position on the floor, crying until my own mothe...